Real

Real - Katy Evans This girl was so godamn wet and horny throughout this book, I wanted to hook her up to an IV just in case her head shrivels up like a raisin from all that dehydration.

Review:

This book was hilarious. I started reading it because of a friend of mine read it and said that up to this day if someone mentioned this book she would go into a fit. She hated it that much.

Lets start.....

Brooke Dumas is our leading lady, and just from the first chapter of this horror show you will get a ride into the mind of the author in all of her original glory. In fact in just one chapter the author shows us her deepest desires and fantasies. When I read the last name Dumas I automatically got a flashback of the scene from Shawshank Redemption:

Heywood: The Count of Monte Crisco...
Floyd: That's "Cristo" you dumb shit.
Heywood: ...by Alexandree Dumb-ass. Dumb-ass?
Andy Dufresne: Dumb-ass? "Dumas". You know what it's about? You'll like it, it's about a prison break.

From that point onward I just started calling her Dumbass.

I know that sometimes authors pay a tribute to the greats but this was just a bit in yo' face unoriginal.

Second elephant in the room was the meeting between Dumbass and Remington (who the fuck would name their leading man after a popular brand of hair-dryers?). The fuck happened Evans, were you to lazy to even flip trough the Yellow Pages to find any names that are not made popular by somebody else already???So...he is a fighter in an underground circle. She comes to the fight dressed as Miss Prim and Proper. She stands out because of that, they have an epic moment. Sounds familiar???? Why thank you Jamie McGuire for writing “Beautiful Disaster”, because without you this Disaster could not have been written....

Third was Brooke Dumbass herself. The author made a point of listing the things about Dumbass that were originally designed to make us like her and relate to her as a girl next door but wound up sounding spoiled, pretentious, self-centered, and whiney....
The image I got about our leading lady was that of an girl that believes she's hot but just doesn't want to say anything directly about it because she would sound like a selfish twat. You will find those elements all trough the book. So in comes the best friend and every other character in this book whose job in this novel is really a filler that tells us just how fucking fabulous this girl really is....

And the final point that stood out like a vestal virgin on a porno convention, was the eroticism the author was aiming for but failed to achieve. The chemistry between the two of them was just appalling... Nothing but tits'n'ass, some panting, some sweating and shivering and random spasms. It read like she tried to romantically narrate a soft porn....witch just cant happen, for it's against the laws of physics. Also, she aimed for that epic connection, by saying 'It was an epic fucking connection!!!!!!'

NO NO AND HELL NO!

The chemistry that happens with characters in a novel is not experienced between the characters, it is experienced in the reader's mind, cause let's face it these people don't exist but we do. And we get to that point by following good writing not because the author simply says “Oh he's hot and that's epic.” All throughout this novel you will find Evans trying to hammer in your brain the attraction between the two main characters in a way of repetitive school-girl crush way.
The physical descriptions of Remington (again,urgh!), narrated in Dumbasses mind prove just how limited her vocabulary really is. Words like masculine, primal, hard, sex muscles, sexy, are repeated so many times they lost all their meaning, and lo and behold when all else fails Evans goes for the kill..... “sexier then sex!” REALLY????

And now something that I found hilarious as it's my friends pet peeve. CLENCH! It goes hand in hand with what i've said earlier. Our dear author is limited to using just a few words in her descriptions and clench is one of them. She uses it when describing how hot our main guy really is, how his muscles work, how Dumbasses pus*y works. And since there is nothing in this book other then that, clench is pretty much all over every paragraph of every chapter. At the end I just found it so funny.

So dear reader in just one chapter of this book I got to understand our author really well, courtesy to her own writing... She dreams big, but writes small. She seeks her own originality in somebody else’s work... She believes she can write erotica when she simply can't. She simply lacks the only thing needed-TALENT.

I will wrap this up now because if I get into every single aspect of this novel that stunk to high heaven my review might be longer then the actual novel itself.

In the final verdict is that this book is an attempt to glorify and electrify an average relationship. It read like an unimaginative sexual fantasy of a person with a boring sex life....