Elite - Rachel Van Dyken By chapter two i knew i would hate this book, by chapter five i wanted to throw my reader against the wall.

This story was so over the top it might as well been pulled out the authors ass then written.

This is a revised version of my original review. I just had to come back to it, it was bugging me THAT MUCH.

My original review was a rant of just a few key points of the novel that I had issues with. But now a few days and conversations later I am ready to properly explain why I hated this book so much.

I would usually start at the beginning and work my way on but there is one paragraph that I would like to quote.

“Chase shrugged. “He’s not just in charge of the key cards, he’s student body president. He makes sure that access is limited for each student. Take for example, a kid from North Korea going to school here. You think they’re going to get along with a South Korean? Or better yet, some ritzy American kid?”
“Um… no?”
Everyone laughed.
Phoenix shook his head. “That’s a hell no, New Girl.”

Well done van Dyken...
Now for those of you that haven't yet read this book this paragraph refers to Nixon, our leading man in the novel. He is a student that is student body president and somehow manages to teach a class as well. That is nothing to get worked up about, but however the fact that he is in charge of all of the administration, gets to decide who lives where, who eats when and how much is. Another example : “He reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue key card and dangled it in front of me. “Say thank you.”
“For what?” I would not cry. I would not cry!
“Allowing you to eat, of course.”
“I’m not finished talking,” he said smoothly. “This key card gains you access into the elevator only once a week. It also gains you access into the cafeteria, twice a day. Not three times. We don’t want you gaining weight. Use it wisely and if you impress me with your ability to follow directions. I may just up your freedom. Until then…” He shrugged and cleared his throat. “Move aside.”

I shall return to Nixon shortly right after the Korea disaster. Now this is a school right? And in this school you might find children that are the sons and daughters of diplomats and politicians but that is just it. They are, and to quote van Dyken herself -KIDS!!!! Van Dyken angled to prove just how exclusive this place is by adding bits of real life to it, with absolutely no research what so ever. But just in case I wasn't overreacting because of fictional characters I decided to ask for the opinion of my very real, very South Korean colleague. After the initial 'the b*tch said what?' look, she greeted that particular nugget with two middle fingers raised and a bunch of profanities I chose not to repeat. Long story short, that paragraph made as much sense as saying you can't have a Catholic in the same room as a Muslim. I bet she got the idea watching the evening news one night when North Korea was mentioned. The author wanted to imprint the exclusivity and the importance of her characters but had not thought of how to achieve it that she shot off the first thing that came to mind, and not even bothering to think on how little sense it all made. If she did, she would realise just how unbelievable ranting about some random kid making school cafeteria seating schedule for the benefit of all mankind and world peace really is, or how offensive it would be to label people based on their nationalities alone. That last one by the way......is a big NO-NO.

Now the rest of it...Jesus, where even to begin?

Lets just stick to Trace and Nixon.

Trace, as the author wants us to believe is an innocent as flowers little farm girl. So innocent that she refers to hair curlers as “weird rod thingy”. I would even believe it if she wouldn't refer to the guys in the next chapter as GQ models or “having nothing on Tommy Hilfiger”. So she knows about models and fashion, but has never heard of hair curlers? Right, another believable and thought- trough moment there. Secondly she gets nothing but abuse but she never has any real emotions involved. Her emotional response is about a sentence long. She gets drugged with a date rape drug and dumped in some random guys bed and she just gets up and gets on with her day? Huh?

That is not cool. That is not how any woman on this planet would feel and most certainly that is NOT OK! She is not a naïve little farm girl-she is a moron.

Nixon is the biggest fail in this book. With him the author went for all or nothing and would up with a smelly carcass achieved by an overkill of her vivid imagination. He looks and acts like a GOD, he speaks ten languages, he is single-handedly responsible for the peace between the kids in school therefore in the world by his very politically correct lunch seating arranging skills. He is student body president and a teacher. I mean Superman move the phuck over, we got Nixon in the house.His real traits however are as sad as can be. He is self obsessed and an abusive asshole.

This book is a disaster. The author gave it an honest try but failed in every aspect that counts. She did no research whatsoever and it shows. If it's not a cliché upon a cliché then its absolute and utter nonsense. The conversation between the characters was so immature, the alleged humor was so childish and forced it was like reading a kid's first attempt at writing an essay. Why did i still go trough it? Let's just say that this particular novel was like a bizarre accident, you know what your eyes are seeing is horrific but you just cannot seem to be able to look away.

There are more things about this book that just don't add up but it's just not worth the mentioning. Suffice to say that the sheer amount of idiocies in these pages are enough to make the experience of reading them painful. They flow trough your mind like salted sandpaper on a burn.

Congrats van Dyken, you just made to the top of my I won't read that sh*t list.

What a waste of money this was. I could have had my fave coffee at Starbucks instead.... damn